She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
