Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
