don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
