1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
