I CAN MOONWALK!
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
