The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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