Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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