If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
