I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
