You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
