i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
