Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
