I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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