allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
wakey wakey hands off snakey
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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