hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
