I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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