i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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