There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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