i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
