It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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