never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
