i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
