last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
