just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
