After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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