he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize