I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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