i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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