Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
