So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
