I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
