I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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