I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
