yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
high people should be assigned attendants
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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