How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
