So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Boobs speak an international language.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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