everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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