If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
