You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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