Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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