Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
