He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
