Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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