I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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