Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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