It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
