I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
