that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
