Who did Billy Mays play for?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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