She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
