Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
