Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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