She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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