Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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