i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
