He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I skipped work to stalk him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Randomize