My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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