How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
handjob tips. give me some.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
