Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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