Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
