Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
