i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
