First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize