imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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