Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize