Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
