I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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