Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
