Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
