i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
