He asked me if I "almost moaned"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
