Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
