I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
