i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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